Neil Warner

Neil Warner

Friday, February 17, 2012

Are You Haunted By a Need for Unconditional Love?

According to our “Valentine’s Dream” (now “Deep Love Needs”) survey conducted on our blog, many couples across the nation share a similar (and basic) relationship need.

We asked our readers to share what they were looking for in a relationship, as well as concerns they had in their current relationships.

The results were surprisingly similar across the board. At the most basic, men and women continually expressed a need for unconditional love in the relationship (about 70%). In needing to be loved unconditionally, a recurring complaint was that issues were not solved out of a fear of it becoming “personal.”

What we learn as we become better partners is that in a good relationship, both of you can talk about relationship or life issues without it getting personal. However, when one or either of you take criticism personally, it can hurt your love. Suddenly you’re being prickly and defensive and trying to “attack” back. Many relationship conflicts start (and continue) because of this perceived lack of acceptance. It can escalate to the point that you no longer feel that your partner loves you, or that your partner won’t love you anymore if you bring up an issue.

A deep love need, then (and a basic relationship requirement), is to both give unconditional love, and feel like you are receiving it.

Based on the results of the Deep Love Needs Survey, we are already working on new resources for our clients and readers, including a book about the silent treatment, a behavior that contributes heavily to a partner questioning the other’s commitment to the relationship. Our other new resources are set to be released shortly as Kindle books. In the meantime, you can enjoy the new “Relationship Repair Month” membership site, which provides a free 4-week relationship repair course.

We are always willing to reach out to a wider audience and understand more about what individuals and couples are struggling with in their relationships. Because of this, the “Deep Love Needs Survey” will become a permanent part of the National Relationships Month blog; it can be found: Relationship Repair Month.

1 comment:

Healthy Relationships said...

In order to support LGBTQ youth in having violence-free relationships, we need to address homophobia and transphobia (discrimination against transgender people). Whether addressing prevention among LGBTQ youth or adults, efforts to prevent relationship violence are inextricably tied to the struggle for LGBTQ safety and equality.